Working on -

Cross Dresser and Beast Infection - on hold, practicing drawing scales
Surly Seaman - pose work

I know I haven't said much lately, which is why I feel the need to say a few things here, now, for you to have some small insight on my life, for those who care. Which, as I've learned as of late, seems to be a great deal of you. Thank you.

A few months ago I mentioned that I didn't know why I was here, why I hadn't given up, why I just sucked it up and dealt with my dreams falling into ruin. Just over a month ago, a small spark was lit that quickly grew brighter and brighter, until, a few days ago, I finally understood.

I suddenly find myself on a quirky walk of faith that is centered on the desire to be able to trust and forgive again. I used to do these things freely and easily, but somewhere along the way this ability was lost. Perhaps it was when I lost sight of a constant in my life. When my family and friends were quick to betray to me satisfy their own needs. When pushing me out the door was simpler than defending me.

I've been worried if staying here was the right thing to do. It would have been so easy to give up on trying to make it on my own. On trying to lead a life that I have control of. In that worry, I failed to realize that I had a team here rooting for me all along. Three people have blessed my life and changed me for the better, and they know who they are.

I've learned that love can take many forms, and it doesn't need to be complicated. You actually can be happy with someone just by being yourself. And somewhere out there, there is someone (whether they openly admit it or not...) who will love you for who you are and not want you to change. Most importantly, I've learned that it's all your experiences - the good and the bad - that make up who you are.

So now when I feel like everything is spinning out of control, I think of my new constants: the family who took me in and accepted me without really knowing me, who I grew to love, and the truly special person down the street. Now, when I worry, I count my blessings.