Edit: This is not, by any means, meant to be a negative entry. I am fine, see? I'm okay. my mood is someone hugging someone else. I mean seriously. I just got done saying how happy I was in my previous entry. I am merely stating that I went through bad times, but I'm happy. Thank you.

So it seems a few readers of my previous journal read some things the wrong way. I cannot fault them entirely, as miscomprehension may often mean the writer did not word something well enough. Which, when it comes to my feelings, is very often the case.

The "family that betrayed me" that I mentioned earlier was pointed at one specific member, one that I hate to even consider part of it. Because they helped drive me into a few-year depression that took a hell of a lot to get me out of, including secret therapy sessions with a friend's mother and the school psychologist. Not a fun time, not a fun time at all. I'm still trying to believe that I am someone worthy of being loved, and I thank Matt, Ginn (& the kids!), and Nick specifically for their patience and undying support in this.

So, sorry for not being specific, but I assumed that the reader(s) would be able to tell whether or not they betrayed me. Funny thing.

I harbor quite a few feelings of doubt and unhappiness. I am really happy here, and I am in love not just with a person but the entire area I live in. I love waking up and seeing mountains outside my window. I love hearing kids playing in the streets. I feel that my soul is at peace here. Life is hard, but money isn't the issue when it comes to my happiness. What affects it so greatly is the daily battle I face when I reflect on the events that brought me here. I can't get over the past until I come to peace with it, but some things done, some words exchanged, some tears shed, will haunt me for a long time. I have nightmares. I have bad days. But I also have good days and sweet dreams.

I have a friend who changes the subject when I am being too depressing (whether he does it because he knows it's exactly what I need or because he just does that by nature...). I have two friends who will offer me insight on the human psyche, then hug me until my lungs are crushed. I have three little friends who don't even know wtf I'm talking about and will hug and kiss me because their faces light up every time they see me, even though I'm there 4 days a week. And I have a friend who was so concerned about me that he made a 3-hour road trip in the middle of the night just to make sure I had one good day.

I will strive to find all the good in life, because I want to and I have to. If I don't, I'm going to be right back where I started, be the girl who doesn't want to get out of bed each morning, the one who sees nothing in her future. I don't want to be that girl ever again. Because I've turned into a strong woman who knows where she stands and where she is going, who isn't afraid to get out of bed and face the new day.

Have a good day

Fanny